Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
