ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
