He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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