Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
