She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
