google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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