Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
