I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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