Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
