i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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