I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I understand Curling. That high.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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