I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
