She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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