Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
