she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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