Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
