I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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