Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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