new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize