I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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