I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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