So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
