You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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