I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
