Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize