she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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