DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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