Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I want is dick and wine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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