My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
