I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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