we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
