dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize