I heard we made out
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
