I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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