By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
