WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
