I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
