I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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