I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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