I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
