My hair reeks of homosexuality.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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