and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
