if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
