Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize