I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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