...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
