well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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