Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
