I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know her cup size but not her name....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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