Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
