I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
