You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
