so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
