I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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