He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh god it's open bar.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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