I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
