So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
