The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
