Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize