it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
