she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
