My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
