I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
