I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
