oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
