shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
