I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
