Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
