Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
