I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
