No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
