I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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