3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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