There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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